A Night Full of Tears and Orgasms?

Recently, I was invited to a whole evening of pleasure. It is a small event honoring the traditions of courtesans and it’s designed to be an intimate experience to fill up the cups of a few women who give a lot in their lives and careers.

The first time I went I was blown away. Could something like this really exist? Can grown ass women throw a pleasure party for themselves and hire live musicians, massage therapists, have bubble baths and end with sacred sexuality practices that have been part of goddess traditions and temple practices since the dawn of time but now are hidden away in secrecy or shame or guilt?

Yes. Yes they can. And do. Every single month these outrageous goddesses have been throwing themselves a pleasure party to feel held, to hold each other and to play. This gathering is the brainchild of my genius roommate Regena Thomashauer aka Mama Gena. It was born out of years of her research, study and discipline.

My dear friend, Layla Martin invited me to my first one and I wish I could have seen my face when I walked in. This place had 2 huge bathtubs. A swing in the kitchen, there was a live cellist and someone who was preparing a gourmet meal. And none of these things were the main event.

These very wise women know that the more space you make for pleasure, the more magic you can create in your life. Truly. People want to hire, and date, and collaborate with, and be friends with people who know how to turn themselves on. People who know how to plug themselves into God. We are all looking for the fastest and most fun path to walk each other home.

This first night I was dancing in the mirror, mostly for me, but also for the delight of the two women getting massages and watching me. I told them I would be a “value add” if they invited me to attend the event again. They did. Eventually, they officially invited me to join the monthly gatherings of joy, community, pleasure and ecstatic play.

It has inspired me, challenged me and showed me many of my edges.

Well last week, we had one of these not so infamous parties. We start early as there is a lot of ecstacy to fit into one evening.

I had barely hit “end” on a live zoom event before I threw my lingerie in a bag and hopped on the subway with Regena.

When I got there I was pretty wound up. It had been a long day where my son woke up at 5a puking for the first time in his life. I also had a family member going through a pretty intense crisis and anytime I teach live or birth a new program I usually have some sort of postpartum release after. Add to this a hefty dose of PMS and the collective stress and suffering you likely feel happening around you, and my pleasure party turned into a few hours of me face down in the rug in full fetal position being held by my partner as I sobbed big, loud tears.

I felt like he was the banks of the river. That my tears could flow freely as I was being held by his strength and open heartedness.

No one could hear my sobs over the ever increasing volume of a room full of priestesses crescendoing into a collective climax that could create a portal even in the thickest of grief.

The other amazing thing that happened is that these inspiring women could transmute my pain in real time. When a particularly big wave of sadness would hit my body I would hear one of them cough or wretch or blow air like a whistle as if their pleasure was so vast it could instantly alchemize my purge.

I feel so grateful to have a container like this. To be inspired and held like this. To have found people who are in on the cosmic joke. That suffering about the world’s suffering only leads to more suffering. And YET the more willing we are to feel the depths of our agony we carve out space for more ecstacy.

I have many decades of practice of being “fine.” I have even more decades of presenting as whatever another person would deem “perfect.” Now I am practicing being where I am. Actually having the bravery and audacity to feel what I am feeling and the radical privilege to use pleasure to transmute pain.

I want this for you. For you to have a container of people who are not afraid to feel. That are curious about the possibilities that unfold when you stop numbing the pain so that you can feel your full pleasure.

I am selfishly so curious and excited to see exactly how much magic is possible when that container of people start to use their most creative force to manifest together not only for their own dreams but for the species!

This is why I created Evidence of Magic, a very intimate 6 month mastermind made up of people who are ready to play big and solve some of the world’s most pressing problems… and have a great time doing it.

As applications are currently closed, you can join the waitlist here to be the first to know when we open the next cohort.

Plus, we’ll have lots of other juicy offerings coming oh so soon. Stay tuned for more.

Here’s to the next chapter,


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